~For, while the tale of how we struggle, and how we are delighted, and how we triumph is never new, it always must be heard. There isn't any other tale to tell, it's the only light we've got in all this darkness.~

Okay. Well, it's been almost a year so I figure I should post a new update.

A lot has went on. I mean a lot. Got pretty serious with a guy last semester and even most of this one. For those of you who know me well, know I never get serious.. But it didn't work out. It wasn't God's will for us to be together... and that's okay.

I'm kickin' butt in school! I'm soo glad some things are going my way right now. And I took my last final today. praise god. it's over.

I can't wait to come home for the summer. Because with my degree , who knows where I'll be next year.. prolly Kansas or Utah or Montana..or some strange state 5000 miles away from my friends.. but that's okay... adventure is always a blessing and a wonderful surprise, but for now, i want my close friends, close!

**Sometime's I'm my own worst enemy...**

Ya know, today has been one of my bad days... Marcus, thank's for being there to put me back on my feet again.

I just don't know when my dad is going to learn... or what I can ever possibly do to help him. I've tried. We've all tried. Maybe he just doesn't want to get better and to step up to be the dad in my life i want him to be, i need him to be that figure. I'm crying right now as "Walk a little straighter daddy" plays constantly in my mind. That song is my song. Word by word it plays true to most of my childhood,a nd even now.. as I'm getting older and maturing spiritually, his addiction never gets easier on me.  I can deal with it now, but I don't accept it... I never will. I don't condone it either.

It has, however, made me a much stronger person. It takes a lot to uproot my system. It really does. It takes a lot to get me off track and unfocused, but once I get there, it's soo hard for me to get back on my own two feet again. This time, he's yanked me out of my stability and I just don't know what to do. God's here though.. holding my hand as I'm crying out.. not for myself, but for him. I'm certain no one *truly* wants to live their lives that way. I honestly hope no one would. I know he never meant to get this rooted in his addiction, but he did... It's  hurt us all. Even though they're divorced, I know it still bothers my mom.. Not so much for him, but for seeing what he's done to me.

The song says "If i've  learned one thing from him, its my kids will never have to say.." that's soo true. I'll never put my kids through this torment. It's exactly what it is.. I tried to keep it a secret so long...like it was somehow, someway my fault. It's not... it's not whatsoever. It doesn't take the hurt away anyless knowing that it isn't. But i know I did not cause this problem. I used to never open up about this, but here lately, I have been. It's been troubling my heart for the past couple of weeks. If you take anything out of this entry, take this: what you do, not only affects you.. but everyone you are close to.

He never set out to make my life bad. not to say it was... but it is a burden... it's a burden to know that I've tried soo many times to help and I've failed. I'm a failure in my own eyes... but in God's eyes, im an achiever

Brace yourselves.. it's gonna be a long one...

So, I've been thinkin' a lot about love and relationships lately. With the upcoming marriage of Duty and Sarah*congrats guys* to Chris and Charlotte among others in my graduating class to spending the weekend in Buckhannan with Adam and Abby, there's something about relationships I find intriging. Maybe it's because the only grown up one I've ever had was Kyle... I guess you could say Jacob, but we were so young when it first began.

How do these people know that they've found someone they can spend their entire lives with?????? It blows my mind. When I think about spending the rest of my life with someone, it scares the crap out of me, but now I'm wishing that person would just stroll right on up. And how do you know when your perfect match comes along? Does God send the perfect sign? Do you just *know*? What if you found him once before and the timing wasn't right...does it just come around again? And do you really need someone else to make your life complete??? Doesn't good relationships with friends and family, a successful career amount to anything.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

anyway, last weekend was wonderful in Buckhannan. I got to spend some time with lindsay, which was great. I also attended some AMAZING church services! it was great! me and dave talked ALOT about camp. I'm looking forward to that week. it will truly be a blessing.

i must go study now, my final is in the morning!

God Bless!

10 Names You Go By
    1. Meagan
    2. Meg
    3. Meggie
    4. Nutmeg                                                                                               

5. Trouble   
    6. Country
    7. Ms. Meagan
    8. friend
    9. Girly Girl*my mom

    10. hey you

9 Things You Can't Live Without
    1. family
    2. God
    3. music
    4. friends
    5. my computer
    6.cell phone
    7. pictures
    8. capris
    9. flipflops

8 Of Your Favorite Foods
    1.Chicken and dumplings

    2. Spaghetti
    3. my mom's garlic chicken
    4. cantelope

    5. strawberries
    6. ice cream
    7. bread bread bread  
    8. green beans

7 Of Your Favorite Memories From The Past Year

    1. the beach last summer with with my family
    2. Sex and the City parties Court and Ashley
    3. finding out my grades were good
    4. loosing weight (yay)
    5. winning my first national JMC award
    6. church camp..always
    7. NYC!! twice!!
6 People You Admire
    1. my MOM

    2. mammaw 
    3. Richard*my preacher*
    4. Brenda
    5. Jacob..
    6. Beth (she's in med school...and done with her first year...thats something
        to admire)

5 Of Your Favorite Inside Jokes
    1. game face hahaa
   i'm not an inside joke type of gurl lol i tell it like it is.. no secrets!

4 Things You Just Can't Do
    1. play guitar... i've tried for years
    2. pat my head and rub my stomach
    3. give up when some obstacles seem impossible
    4. touch my nose with my tounge

3 Songs You Have Stuck In Your Head
    1. Who am I... Casting Crowns

    2. Black BETTY
    3. I wish I were an OScar Myer weiner

2 Of Your Favorite Mottos
    1. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
    2. True friends stab you in the front.

Your Reason To Live
    1.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
   

This entry is for Tarn! =-) hehe i love ya gurlie!

anyway, not much is new in logan..is there ever? all i do is work, then to class then come home.. However, last night me and Carrie went to Man's game.. That was fun! I love Carrie! She'salways been there for me!

Anyway, I'm soo excited about camp now. Jay just informed me that he's our camp preacher this year. WOOOOOOT! For those of you who know about the never ending story of *Us*, you can fathom how excited I really am! And I'm not even sure anymore is there's an "Us" in the romantic sense, but I do know that he is and will always be my best friend. We have a rather odd relationship. We can sense when the other is down or going thru something. Never fails when I'm having a really bad day, without him knowing, he will call .. the first thing out of his mouth is what's wrong with you... I have the same feeling with him. it's great...

I'm definitely in aggreement with Tarn in that we need to have a 2 yr reunion. I miss you guys.. We really did come together as strangers and leave as eternal friends. No matter how long we go without talking, for most of us it doesn't matter.. we can pick up exactly where we left off. I love you guys!